There is a quote hanging on the back of my office door that says, “When you’ve reached the family, you’ve reached the world.” For those of us whose hearts beat for ministry to, with, and for adolescents, we know how important and influential (for good or bad) our students’ parents are, and yet we also know that it becomes very easy to exclude parents from our ministry. For some, we have a difficult enough time building relationships with students and just don’t have energy left for parents. For others, we feel inadequate, as if we couldn’t possibly have anything to say to a parent--particularly if we, ourselves, are not parents. And let’s just be honest that youth ministry as an organization has not helped us build healthy relationships with parents. We hear jokes about the nightmares of working with parents second only to jokes about working with our senior pastors (neither of which are helpful to anyone). But if we’re truthful with ourselves, we know that by having a relationship with parents, our ministry with our students can be that much more powerful. While I have far from perfected this aspect of ministry, here are a couple of ways that I have engaged my students’ parents.

1.    Begin communication with parents. It seems like an obvious one, but it’s sometimes difficult to do. When you send home retreat forms or anything that needs to be turned back in, have a space for “parents’ e-mail addresses”. Create a parent list on your e-mail and whenever possible, keep your parents up to date on what’s happening. Always provide your e-mail address on anything you send home, so that parents can get in touch with you easily as well.

2.    Create a place for parents. You have recognized the importance of students gathering together with their peers—how about a chance for parents to do the same? Once a month, we invite parents of jr. and sr. high students to The Gathering Place. We choose a topic each month that is relevant to what parents and adolescents are facing. While I work hard to make sure that I have helpful information and resources for them regarding the topic at hand, the most beneficial part of our time together is the relationship building that takes place between myself and the parents, as well as from one parent to another.

3.    Include parents. You know that when a jr. higher comes home and a parent asks them how it went, they say, “fine” (if the parent is lucky!). Once you’ve compiled that e-mail list that we talked about earlier, you have the ability to include parents instantly. After an event or retreat, send an e-mail to parents letting them know what you talked about with their kids. Give them a short synopsis of the theme and then offer them a few questions that they can ask their kids. The kids might be freaked out by how much their parent knows, but we’ve heard about some great conversations happening in families once the parents are clued in!

The reality is that we may not be able to create perfect students with perfectly loving families, and there will always be families that we might not ever reach. But…if our hope for our students is that they will experience the encouragement, support and love that can only come from family, let’s commit to doing all that we can to foster that environment. I believe that I can have a hand in being the answer to my own prayers for my students.

Jen Zerby
Associate Pastor
Batavia Covenant
Batavia, IL