Home
Gambling Addiction a Symptom of Pastor's Inner Struggle
By Craig Pinley
CHANDLER, AZ (May 6, 2002) - It sounded absolutely harmless at the time. A friend
had invited pastor Duane Cross to go to a local casino with him. Cross
didn't think much about it. After all, they were just 25-cent video poker
slot machines.
Cross had fun that night, so much so that he decided to go again. Months
later, however, going to the casino had become an obsession for the
Covenant pastor and his life was spiraling out of control.
Admitting that he had a gambling addiction, Cross resigned as senior pastor
at Roseville Covenant Church in Roseville, Minnesota. The Covenant Board of
the Ordered Ministry removed Cross from active ministry for a time of
healing and reorientation in 1997. Cross was restored to active ministry in
2000 and currently serves as pastor at Hope Covenant Church in Chandler,
Arizona.
"I know about addictions enough to know that I constantly have to be aware
(of them)," Cross said. "But I know that God has done a deep work in my
soul to help me deal with some of this stuff. Every day I wake up and thank
God that I have my life back and I thank God I have a church I can be a
part of and a church that loves me. It's just a wonderful gift of grace."
Cross grew up in San Diego's East County and played football at San Diego
State University. He worked as an engineer before being called into
ministry. Cross said his life began to unravel in 1989 when his 10-year-old
son, Tyler, was killed after being hit on his bicycle by a car. Cross, who
was the pastor at Grace Covenant Church in Lakewood, Colorado, at the time,
and his wife, Sheri, struggled with the death and the events surrounding
it.
"I was always in control in my life, I had always been successful, no
matter what I did," Cross said. "Now, all of a sudden, I was out of control
and I started a lot of compulsive and obsessive behavior."
At the suggestion of a counselor, Cross and his family moved to Minnesota
in 1990 to try and start over. It didn't help. Cross says he was a
different man in Minnesota and he looked the part, gaining 125 pounds and
spending inordinate amounts of time at a local casino, beginning in 1995.
He believes that he had a hole in his life - the loss of Tyler - and he
didn't allow Jesus to fill it. It would prove to be his downfall for a long
time.
Like many gamblers, early success was a trap he couldn't get out of. "One
of the first times I went, I won a jackpot of $1,000," said Cross. "I
thought that this was easy and probably over the course of my gambling, I
probably won 20 jackpots, although I usually spent the money I won by the
end of the night. But think of all of the money I spent. I never lost a big
amount (more than $200) in one night, but we were on a budget and I had two
kids in college. And I got in credit card debt."
In order to visit the casinos two or three times per week, Cross began
coming up with more and more elaborate game plans in order to keep his wife
and the church from knowing his whereabouts.
"I believe that gambling wasn't my problem - deception was. Gambling was
the way it played out. I always felt excited about going, excited about
doing it and (even if he won) I felt terrible going home because I knew
what I had done. No matter how I wept or prayed to God to take this
addiction away from me, it wasn't more than a day or two when I was
thinking about how to get some money and figuring out how to get back
there."
While Cross hid his secret from the 250-member congregation, conflict was
brewing within the church. Rick Carlson was a member of the church at the
time and a friend of Cross - he helped with worship leading while working
in denominational ministries as music and worship coordinator. As he
recalls what was going on in 1997 at Roseville Covenant, he can see how
Cross' problems allowed the church to deal with some other deep hurts that
would threaten future ministry there.
"When Duane was spinning out of control, the church itself was not very
healthy," said Carlson, who currently serves as the Roseville Covenant's
lead pastor. "There was an elephant in the room and no one was talking
about it - and it wasn't all about Duane. It (the church) had its own
issues to deal with and it became apparent after Duane resigned that we had
a lot to do to restore our confidence in God."
In the summer of 1997, the church had a board meeting and the board
considered voting to remove Cross. Carlson said that a board member asked
other members not to remove Cross and the vote was tabled. Instead, the
church offered Cross a care sabbatical and asked Carlson to become an
interim pastor specializing in Children and Family ministry. He was later
asked to become lead pastor for the church.
If that vote had been taken, it would have split the church," Carlson said.
"We had sold our old building and we were getting ready to build a
three-million dollar building. We were leaving our old building in a month
and were going to worship Sunday evenings at Salem Covenant. But we didn't
know what was going on. All we knew was that things were not going happily
with some people."
Roseville Covenant sent Cross to Marble Retreat in Colorado, where the
truth came out about his gambling addiction. "I went there under the
auspices that the church was picking on me, but I was the problem," Cross
said. "I finally confessed to my wife what was happening and then
resigned."
Cross said that his long road to healing has been aided by the friendship
of people like Jim Sundholm, the associate superintendent of the Northwest
Conference of the Evangelical Covenant Church. "He was my care person for
the conference and in a lot of ways he was my savior. He would speak to me
with words of truth - he told me it was my responsibility to get under
control - and with his forthrightness - I took marriage and family
counseling, went to Gamblers Anonymous and began the healing process."
The Board of (Ordered) Ministry believed Cross needed an extended time out
of active ministry to regroup. It was difficult for Cross to "sit on the
sidelines" with regards to pastoral duties, but he believes that his two
years away helped him re-center his life on God and work through issues
pertaining to his addiction. "Many of the ones on the Board of Ministry
were people I went to seminary with," he said. "I was humiliated. I was in
denial, thinking, 'Okay, I've admitted it, so just spank me on the hand and
let me get another church.' But when the board said in 1998 that I would be
out of ministry (for a second year), I was shocked and flabbergasted and
floored that they didn't see my sincerity."
Cross became a courier for a local company and spent much of his driving
time in prayer. He has become more attuned to his need for prayer since
becoming Hope Covenant's senior pastor. He is also aware that "I no longer
need the approval of people like I used to. And I no longer have the desire
to connect myself only with people who seem to be successful, which I used
to do. I want to be just as open and pastoral and loving to a bum that
walks into our church as I do with a key member."
Along with a new perspective on ministry, Cross has found joy in friends
and family - he considers that one of his biggest sources of thankfulness.
He has been married more than three decades, his two adult children are a
vital part of his life and his grandchildren give him joy. Moreover, he is
part of a thriving congregation that has shown more grace than Cross ever
expected.
"They called me in spite of me," he said. "They didn't seem to care that I
was broken; they seemed to care that I was ready to be their pastor."
Cross and associate pastor Brad Kindall say they want Hope Covenant to be
"a church that looks like Jesus." Kindall believes that the willingness of
Cross to share his story has aided that process. "I think we have drawn a
lot of people that are broken and recognize their brokenness," said
Kindall. "I think that stems from Duane's authenticity as a leader."
While Cross has healed, so has Roseville Covenant, said Carlson. The church
had no building for nine months and the congregation worshiped at Salem
Covenant in New Brighton on Sunday afternoons. The new building is
finished, however, and attendance has doubled. Carlson calls his
congregation's transformation a modern day reminder of how God can restore
broken vessels.
"God did some amazing things to remind us of who we are," he said. "Over
the next two years, when Duane was out of ministry, we were in a flux.
There was still debate as to what we were going to do. There was a debate
about a new pastor. There were the many building questions and our
congregation was down to 150 (from 300). By God's grace our worship is now
500. But the most important part of the story is that we dealt with healing
the past two years.
A poignant opportunity for restoration occurred in the summer of 2000 when
the Cross family was invited by Carlson to attend a Sunday evening prayer
service at Roseville Covenant.
"The church knew essentially that this would mark an end to a chapter in
Duane's life and the church's," Carlson recalled. "Duane got up and spoke
about grace, how God had walked with him through two years in the desert.
We had prayer and communion and you could almost see the page turning to
the next chapter. We were able, by God's grace, to move on.
"The scars are still there and will be there," Carlson continued. "But the
church has absolutely moved on and celebrated Duane's restoration. He is
missed and his ministry had a huge impact. But there is healthy spiritual
leadership, good staff that were wise in many areas and spirit-led
leadership from the Northwest Conference. (Superintendent) Paul Erickson
gave strong leadership, caring leadership and was not afraid to say what
needed to be said."
Hope Covenant Church recently celebrated a groundbreaking ceremony for a
$1.4 million building project that will include a sanctuary that seats more
than 400. With construction set to be completed this fall, Cross and Hope
Covenant seem to have a budding ministry that can blossom
in Chandler, a city of 168,000 that has tripled in population during the
past decade. But future success isn't the concern for Cross. He
would rather be faithful. And he knows that only faithfulness will help
him remain free of his addictions.
"It has made me more responsive and receptive to grace in my life and the
lives of other people," he said. "I try to no longer to prop up my image. I
no longer try to project an image of something I'm not - being successful
and competent and all of those things that were really important that
people see in me. I no longer have this deep desire to have this drive me.
If I'm competent (now), it's because God is using me. If I'm successful,
it's because I'm being faithful."
Copyright © 2008 The Evangelical Covenant Church. |
